Tag: cat humor

Cat’s Bill of Rights

Remember fidgeting at your sixth grade desk, while your teacher earnestly attempted to teach you about our country’s forefathers and how they created the Bill of Rights?

Now it’s your time to help create the first ever MyThreeCats.com’s version of the “Cat’s Bill of Rights”!
You and MyThreeCats.com will together author this marvelous document, combining our wisdom and experience with cats and creating a veritable Cat Manifesto!

The purpose of this document is to set forth ways in which our cats can attain “life, love, and the pursuit of happiness” in their brief, but meaningful lives. Your suggestions can be serious or humorous, but must ring true about cats and their nature. (Note: all comments will be screened for appropriateness by MyThreeCats.com staff before posting to this website.
By adding your comments and submitting your “Cat’s Bill of Rights” contribution to this blog site, you acknowledge that MyThreeCats.com reserves the right to publish your contribution as part of the MyThreeCats.com “Cat’s Bill of Rights” on any website or print publication owned or not owned by MyThreeCats.com.
Let’s get started.

Listed here are the first five tenets of the MyThreeCats.com’s Cat’s Bill of Rights:

I, cat extraordinaire, have certain unalienable rights:
#1  I have the right to assume my normal position on your lap and stay there for an indefinite period of time, until nature calls, someone opens a can of cat food, or a bug crawls across the floor.
#2  I have the right to walk all over your computer keyboard, !@#$$%^&*(()!! causing you to lose forever that hour long document you’ve been carefully typing and not saving.
#3  I have the right to tear through your bedroom at 3:00AM, knocking over who knows what and scaring the living daylights out of you.
#4  I have the right to decide if, when and where I allow you to pick me up, hug me and fuss over me. The optimal time is usually right before dinner. I will readily accept bribes, I am shameless.
#5  I have the right to send projectiles of litter and other assorted contents out of the litter box when using it, and scratch all the way to China if I so desire.
Now, it’s your turn! Add your comment, and together, we’ll create one of the cat world’s greatest achievements.

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Catdance Film Festival – Cat Lovers Unite!

Never has there been a more popular time for cats!  Increasing numbers of human devotees celebrate their many qualities:
(1) They are smart;
(2) They are beautiful;
(3) They align more with humans in their thought processes than most other animals;
(4) They are the subject of countless cat bloggers and cat themed websites;
(5) They make awesome subject matter for funny pictures and videos. (I Can Has Cheezburger, Stuff on My Cat, etc. etc etc!!!).

Now, cats have really made it!  They now boast their own film festival! If you are lucky enough to have your cat short win one of five top awards, well, click here to find out more….

http://www.catsparella.com/2012/10/catdance-film-festival-brings-kitty.html

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Dear Pet: I Love You, but … Dear Visitors: I Love My Pets more….

I received this amongst the blitz of emails today. The author is unknown, but I thought you might enjoy!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

FOR THOSE THAT DON’T, IT’S ALSO A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN
(1) They live here….you don’t.

(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

That’s why they call it “fur”-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

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